Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.
Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protectionwill cause blindess, and possiblyfoot sized brusies on the face.
Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.
When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that he is going to ask Chuck Norris for help.
Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.
Showing posts with label chuck. Show all posts
Showing posts with label chuck. Show all posts
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
When Chuck Norris was a teenager, he once impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the Himalaya mountains. 9 months later, the nuns all gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in NFL history.
Chuck once got shot in the head. He then proceeded to surgically remove the bullet with his beard as foreceps and then ate it because his daily iron count was low.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, Don't worry about it honey, and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, Never question Chuck Norris.
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is “Charles”. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
There are actually 8 wonders of the world. Chuck Norris counts for 4 of them.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
When Chuck Norris was a teenager, he once impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the Himalaya mountains. 9 months later, the nuns all gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in NFL history.
Chuck once got shot in the head. He then proceeded to surgically remove the bullet with his beard as foreceps and then ate it because his daily iron count was low.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, Don't worry about it honey, and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, Never question Chuck Norris.
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is “Charles”. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
There are actually 8 wonders of the world. Chuck Norris counts for 4 of them.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
chuck norris
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris. 54
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence
Chuck Norris runs Windows seven on his Etch-a-Sketch.
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick ass at the same time.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris. 54
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence
Chuck Norris runs Windows seven on his Etch-a-Sketch.
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick ass at the same time.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
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