Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire

If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris was originally considered for the part of Jesus in the Passion of the Christ. However, the director realized that Chuck Norris cannot show the emotion of pain. He can only inflict it.

Chuck Norris' beard is barbed wire soaked in ox blood and held together by the souls of mortals

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*ck down.

After taking a steroids test, doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror, it breaks because it is smart enough to know not to get in the middle of Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris