The Devil went down to Georgia not because he was looking for a soul to steal.. Chuck Norris took over hell for two weeks and told the Devil to get the fuck out.

Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.

Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the kingshorses and all the kings men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

Chuck Norris was once walking along the Sahara Desert when he decided he needed shelter from the sun. So he stared at the sand until it melted into 2 ton blocks. He then made his shelter which we now call the Great Pyramids.

Chuck Norris was not alowed to be a part of UFC,NFL,PGA,NBA,NHL or any Olympic event for fear that too many deaths would occure

Chuck Norris prefers Mr. Pibb to Dr. Pepper. When asked why, he responded, “I don’t trust doctors.” He proceeded to shot laser beams out of his eyes and ate the hearts of everyone in the room.

Chuck Norris is actually Jeeves from AskJeeves.com

In 1945, Adolf Hitler was really kicked to death by a five year old Chuck Norris.